( beautiful and loved )

0 ` (20 Sep 2003;05:49pm) ( mood . accomplished ) ( music . gawr ) OMG! AN UPDATE! JUST TO TELL YOU THAT ADAM MAKES ME HOT! thx bye

0 ` (29 Aug 2003;01:31pm) ( mood . anxious ) ( music . iwannabelovedbyyou! ) I'm updating to say my semi-farewells. Today is the final move day, and I will officially be in Antioch. I start school Tuesday, and if you ever read any of my entries, you will see I will have lots of homework. And then I'm going to be starting to work again after school, so.. in order to see who I am without the internet, I'm going to do my best to only come on a couple of times a week. Ken, my mom's boyfriend, who I'm living with, isn't very keen on being on the computer for a gazillion hours, especially since he doesn't have his cable and second phone line anymore because his exwife put him in a financial hole. So, I have Evy's, Krysh's, Leigh's, Adam's, Cait's, and Ant's number to call when I miss them. Comment your number in if you want me to call you! So, let's see how I do in new territory, new school, new people... and you all better start praying I do okay! PS: Krysh and Leigh, I sent your birthday presents today! Expect them Monday or Tuesday. Evy, yours might be a few days early or a few days late! PPS: Cheer up, Reg. iLu. PPPS: Never splurge at McDonalds. ;]

0 ` (21 Aug 2003;05:00pm) ( mood . calm ) ( music . raindrops ) It was just raining for a few minutes. I went out on my balcony and just stood there, allowing the drops to fall upon my face and I welcomed them, eagerly. I closed my eyes and leaned against the railing, listening to the plump drops of dew break against the gutter. The cars were zooming down the street, splashing the short puddles onto the curb... the old man downstairs was running from the mailbox muttering words only I could hear. The drops. I am pleased to say it felt beautiful. I felt beautiful. I haven't felt that in a long time.

0 ` (18 Aug 2003;06:28pm) ( mood . ....disgusted ) ( music . popcorn pops! ) Let's see here. I've been gone, as obvious as that as, since Friday. Ken was at a concert so my mom and I went to go see "Freaky Friday." As dumb as I thought it would be, it wasn't. It was the most hilarious movie I have seen all year (with the exception of Finding Nemo and POTC). So then Saturday, my sister's best friend was getting married, so we went to the wedding and the reception and I got home pretty damn late. Oh my God, Marc's (the groom) friend Alex was all over me. I think he was drunk, because I mean all over me. Oh well, I got my grinding in. Lmao. Then Sunday, my mom and I drove to Pleasant Hill to go shopping. I bought 8 shirts and two pairs of pants. Hee. My mom and I got in a big ass fight, I mean she was screaming at me in the middle of the mall. I was humiliated, thanks. So anyways. I love Ken's dogs. Right now I'm watching the movie about the Jackson Five. I can't believe how abusive the father was. And how many kids there were. There's the 5 boys, 3 girls, and then boy and girl twins. I need to take a shower and get dressed and go to the library to return that book (I finished on Friday) and try to find one of the other two. I only have two weeks to read these things. :O Then I have to go to the grocery store to pick up some things for my mommy and I, but I'm going back to my dad's tomorrow, I think. And then I might go to the movies. I don't know what to see so who knows. Alright, love you people<3 Edit: Some guy stalked me at the grocery store.. and all over town. My mom had to threaten him for him to leave. Thanks, I could have been raped. And I didn't see a movie but instead ate more food than I have cellulite. ;x

0 ` (15 Aug 2003;04:31pm) ( mood . ... sleepies! ) ( music . homeboy, i came to partay! ) Ok.. so it's been a good couple of days since I've updated. I've been working on filling the tiny holes in my brain. But now I have new ones on my forehead. Yes, I had my stitches removed. My scabs have holes. Good gracious almighty. And the doctor also played with my toe injury. It burns pretty bad from whatever the heck he put on it, and then I had to go get an xray and he said "a chunk of your bone is floating alongside. discuss with your parents about having it surgically removed." So, I might have toe surgery. Which sucks because school starts on the second. Speaking of school, I went there yesterday to pick up my schedule. According to many people there's a lot of "hoodlums" that come there from Oakland (aka The Raider town and the #4 on the most murder rate in the nation). But my schedule is great. I don't have to be at school until 9 in the morning, and every Wednesday I leave at 12:30. They have "Even" and "Odd" days, which is basically like my old "A" and "B" days, except on "Even" days, I have periods 2, 4, 6.. and "Odd" days, since I don't have a first period class, I only go to periods 3, 5, and 7. Let me tell you what they are: Even days: 2- Algebra 2 4- AP US History 6- AP English 11 Odd Days: 3- Chemistry CP 5- Spanish 3 7- Fundamental Visual Arts. I didn't exactly sign up for that last class. I looked in the course catalog and it is described as "This is a year-long course designed to teach an appreciation of Visual Arts through a variety of media, fundamental art theory and art history. This course will present activities that include the elements of art, drawing techniques, rendering, and the use of composition. All of the baic foundation skills needed to progress in to the other art classes are taught in this course. Throughout the year a survey of major artists and movements will be explored. A sampling of three-dimensional techniques will be offered, as well as a "real world" application of higher education and career opportunities in the art field." Not that any of you really cared to read all that, but, I'm just not a very artistic person.. and I signed up for acting. Go figure. I finally finished my bedroom at Ken's. I can't wait to take a picture and show you all. I made it a light pastel purple. It's so fucking gorgeous. I'm such a girl! I put up all my faeries and Sleeping Beauty stuff and candles and pictures of my loved ones. Actually, I have an entire shelf dedicated to pictures of my sister. The heck. ;x I love my sister so much, she's the best friend I know I will always have, no matter how brutal life can be. What else. I went to Jeremy's (Kitty) yesterday, and the little munchkin put the moves on me. I love that kid so much that I gave him a big fatty kiss. He just about melted in my arms, then I just snuggled him up and we watched "Beavis and Butt-head Do America." We had a kick ass time just mocking them, but then it made me remember when I was once a party girl and how I'm barely partying. So what if I get trashed every other weekend. Cait calls me when she's trashed and I laugh because I'm trashed so we're like trashed on the phone. Pretty funny, actually. Well, let's see... nothing else that exciting. Evy should be coming home soon, though I'm upset that she never came to S.F (maybe she did but never told me!!).. and her daddy is in the spitting can because he chose Seattle over San Fran. I thought he loved me. :[ I love you Evy<3 I just got this book for my Honor's class (I have 3 to read and only two weeks to read them) yesterday, and I already only have 50 pages to go. It's called Their Eyes Were Watching God. It's quite annoying because the entire dialogue is written in southern text. Example: "Now who said Ah didn't want de man tuh git us uh post office? He kin be de king uh Jerusalem fuh all Ah keer. Still and all, 'tain't no use in telling lies just 'cause uh heap uh folks don't know no better. Yo' common sense oughta tell yuh de white folk aint' goin' tuh 'low him tuh run no post office." Translation: "Now who said I didn't want the man to get us a post office? He can be the king of Jerusalem for all I care. Still and all, it ain't no use in telling lies just because a heap of folks don't know no better. Your common sense ought to tell you the white folk ain't going to allow him to run no (a) post office." So that is the fun for me. Wish me luck! Well, I hope everybody is happy and I'm here for you all! :O

0 ` (10 Aug 2003;02:14pm) ( mood . aggravated ) ( music . doooooooopty! ) I'm in love with shake n bake! <3 Oh and I also busted my toe nail off so I'm like going to die goodbye

0 ` (04 Aug 2003;05:36pm) ( mood . sick ) I guess you guys could be wondering where I've been but probably not. Anyways. I was hit by a car. No, I wasn't driving but I was getting ready to cross a parking lot but waited on a curb and a guy in his car stopped very suddenly and waved me to cross the street so I did but someone honked and from behind the car that let me pass this guy in a red truck goes to pass the guy that stopped for me and I guess didn't see me and plowed right into me and then took off. I have a gash on my forehead and a lot of scratches and bruises and 4 bruised rib cages and I hurt alot. They also said I suffered a relatively major concussion and I've been in the hospital since Sunday afternoon and they released me today at 2pm and my mom has been keeping me awake all day because she's not supposed to let me fall asleep so instead I eat and I puke and I fall over when I walk and I pee blood. They didn't find any fractures in my skull but they said there might be some internal organ injuries if I keep puking and peeing blood but I don't pee that much blood anyways. Kind of like a bloody booger or something. If my gash on my forehead is still there on Thursday I'll take a picture of it because I'll be at my dad's so comment if you really care to see it. So that's all bye.

0 ` (31 Jul 2003;01:12pm) ( mood . accomplished ) ( music . happybirthdaytoyou! ) Happy Birthday Smelly Leigh

0 ` (30 Jul 2003;01:07pm) ( mood . angry ) ( music . myasux ) All I can do is look at my fingers and their belongings and wonder why they are mine. Wonder why they do what they do. They scratch and tear up other people's hearts.. and then even my own. They are nothing but dry limbs sticking out of hollow perch full of insects and foreign mold inflicted upon it because I let others inflect upon me. Upon my scotched heart. So wicked are my arched and rawboned limbs. Don't touch them. Don't hold them. They may cause you detriment. Where are my enemies?

0 ` (28 Jul 2003;11:40am) ( mood . pessimistic ) ( music . ... :| ) I'm a selfish bitch. You all are friends with me.. why? I'm sorry, Adam. I really am. From my tippy toes up to the northern sky.

0 ` (25 Jul 2003;07:13pm) I saw Tomb Raider 2: The Cradle of Life today, opening day. I have to say it was much better than the first one, without a doubt. The ending kind of sucks and once you see it, you'll know why.. because it sucks. Men! They're all pigs I tell you! Anyways, yeah.. I really liked it. Once again, like how I am in love with Jack Sparrow (not necessarily Johnny Depp).. I idolize Lara Croft (not necessarily Angelina Jolie). God I wish I could be strong and sexy and courageous like her. That's why I still want to be an actress in my heart- no matter what my mind tells me. I've always dreamed of being someone else.. even if its for a movie. For a moment. Screw the money that comes with it.. it's an adventure I seek to be apart of. Edit: And the trailor for Scary Movie 3.. hell yes. I can't wait to see it!

0 ` (25 Jul 2003;04:55pm) ( mood . .. dedicated ) ( music . Let's go! ) I've decided I'm going to go on a strict diet. I'm tired of being this fat piece of whatever I am. I'm going to work on my rock climbing a lot more. I'm going to get myself a job again and start getting money so I can take kickboxing classes. I'm going to start riding bikes when I move in with Ken. I'm going to go back to my old agent and shove a new resume in his face and tell him to find me a gig. Any gig. Fat girl modeling. Theater. Independent films. Low budget films. A voice over. An extra. SOMETHING. I'm going to start doing yard work whenever possible. I'm going to try my hardest to stay offline so I can give myself time to do these things. And most importantly.. I'm going to dedicate myself to everything, everyone. All that I've said I will or want to do. I just can't do it alone. I need support. Someone please tell me I have the support that will help me fulfill my dreams?

0 ` (24 Jul 2003;12:16pm) ( mood . horny ) ( music . Horny is so funny! ) I'm craving some inventful sex.. just because you all needed to know that.

0 ` (22 Jul 2003;05:34pm) ( mood . apathetic ) ( music . =[ ) I'm going to be like Adam and state the only people that I really really care about. This includes online and offline (off). They are not in specific order so don't cry. - Leigh - Evy - Caitlin - Adam - Paul (off) - Reggie (off) - Jeremy (off) - Jenifer (off) - Krysha - Kerry - Anthony - Stephanie (off) - Doug (off, my golf instructor) + my sister, my mom, and Ken. And that concludes my list for today. :O

0 ` (21 Jul 2003;06:35pm) ( mood . bored ) ( music . 92 cent hamburgers?! ) Yes.. everybody call my cell. Ignore my sister's message if I don't pick up- it's her old phone and its mine until January when the contract expires. It's 1-209-969-2662. Thank you, that is all. ( special ali survey )

0 ` (21 Jul 2003;10:01am) ( mood . amused ) ( music . weeee ) Yeah, so what. I've been gone for five days! Who missed me? Yes, that would have been my cats! So I met Caitlin, my online friend of 5 years. Atleast, we think 5 years. Before we got to Six Flags, we stopped at McDonalds and sat next to eachother and were like, confused. I had a number 6, although I should have gone a number 2, and she had a number 2. It was Cheeseburgers vs. Chicken McNuggets! Anyways! Yeah.. so before I picked her up, we drove drove drove in traffic and then we got to her complex parking lot, and I called her and she came out, and I got out of the car and we attacked eachother with hugs. Then I was like, "I'm too tall for this!" and she's all, "Yes you are!" It was funny.. then we got into the car and off we were! I kept hitting her leg and saying "Oh my God! Yay!" and she'd hit me back. Then we drove drove drove and talked about stupid things, but mostly I was making fun of Ken, who was driving..who can't drive because he's really out there to kill me driving. Then we went to McDonalds and talked about Ant and Adam there. And Leigh. And Krysh. And how much I'm not a fan of Gissy. And this guy who worked at this register who we concluded has a disorder... anyways. So we got to Marine World and Cait like a dumb shit forgot that she had a knife in her bag, so she had to throw it away in the trash can, and we went through the little checking thingy and went inside. First thing that happens? Yes. We got our picture taken. Woo! Then we hopped over to the dolphin tank and watched them swim around with the trainers for a little bit, and then it was time for the swings. We went on the swings and it was cool, then it was time for the bumper cars. Cait nailed me like 3871591 times. (I was too busy nailing my mom's boyfriend and my mom) What was next? Yes.. it was the water rapids. Mwhaha. Cait got fucking soaked. It was her fault, she jinxed herself by saying "I'm going to get it I know it".. I just got my butt super wet.. I was going to get it first but I crawled all over her and then I moved and it got her soooo bad. Woo hoo! Then the line for Boomerang was super short.. and it was Ken and Cait's first roller coaster.. Cait was shaking sooo bad when we got off. I thought it was violently cute. I'm a coaster junky, so I was fine and dandy! I'm trying to remember what we did next.. I know we went pee, then we went looking around at animals.. but then we did something. Oh well. We went to the dolphin show which was great... a dolphin lifted a girl up by her foot. Then Cait and I went on Medusa, and she was like, "You're lucky I'm doing this." "It's only because you love me! - flips hair. -" We went on Roar, and Cait and I took a sexy picture on that, rofl. Ken bought it for us. That was it for coasters with them all.. they went to try, but failed, to play go carts and I rode the brand new ride- Zonga. They were scared shitless because its small with tons of loops, but.. I honestly thought it could have been better. I was disappointed. =[ We went and played some regular games, but it was sooooo effing hot we just had to leave. Cait won herself 83195179 of stuffed animals, and I didn't play.. because Ken gave me all his stuff he won. So hahaha! Then we got in the hot ass car and drove to Jack in the Box and got milkshakes and sodas, and drove in caca traffic on the way home. I slept on Cait some, and then I walked her to her apartment and she gave me mine and Krysh's (which I have to mail) Christmas presents, and I hugged her, met her dad and came home. Now, like her I'm sure, I keep looking at the picture they took of us when we first walked in. We got it in a key chain. We can get other pictures of us on the site. I think you guys can go look at it.. You go to http://marineworld.photogra.com Anyways, put in the 17th for the day, 8475 for the picture number, and then my email address (aii dork@aol.com) and then it'll have quite a few of me and Cait or Ken. Coolies, I know. So that was my meeting Cait. We had so much fun and I love her so much, she's a great girl. Then I stayed at Ken's all weekend and I am more in love with his dogs than ever. But I'm sure Akira hates me because I make her give me kisses too much. ;x I have pictures to develop today of Warped and Marine World. I love you all, thank you.

0 ` (14 Jul 2003;11:16pm) ( mood . giggly ) ( music . somethin' like that! ) I love country music. That is all. Thank you. AND I MEET CAIT ON THURSDAY!

0 ` (13 Jul 2003;07:24pm) ( mood . accomplished ) ( music . YAYAY ) OMFG! I JUST HAD THE BEST DAY I HAVE HAD OUT OF THE ENTIRE YEAR AHH! Now is the time for you all to be envious of me! I've always been this wannabe groupie who runs around trying to meet as many musicians or actors if I ever go anywhere like a concert or a film premier or parties and stuff.. and today was Warped and omfg, I met so many freaking people that it took me so much thought to remember who they were! And the coolest thing? The bassist Matt Freeman from Rancid gave me his Swiss Army Knife, which you can see in this picture on top of the tour book: ( +3 more ) Okay, there's a poster from Thrice which Edmond, a cousin of one of the band members, handed to me; Mest's Matt Lovato's autograph; my ticket; my parking ticket; a CD with 28 people I've never heard of; the tour book with autographs inside; a sticker that a straight edge guy I met gave to me and smacked on my forehead; a CD from Bottom Line, autographed; a Billy Talent CD; the Swiss Army knife from Matt; the lineup times; and an upandcoming band sticker. Ok! Want to know who I met?! 1) Matt and Tony Lovato from Mest 2) Chris Shiftlett from Me First and the Gimme Gimmes 3) Some person from Tsunami Bomb 4) Ben Howard and Greg Yock, the boys I am in love with because they talked to me for 15 minutes, from Bottom Line 5) The entire band of Dropkick Murphy 6) The entire band of Less Than Jake 7) Kris Roe from The Ataris 8) Bert McCracken and Quinn from The Used So yes! I'm so happy, it's amazing. As if any of them will remember me, but I'm going to start joining mailing lists so I can always know when Bottom Line is around here. I took pictures on a disposable camera, but I didn't fill it all the way.. so you guys have to wait until I do that, get them developed, and scan them. Fuck today was such an awesome day!

1 ` (12 Jul 2003;07:44pm) ( mood . excited ) ( music . WEEEE ) Oh yeah, and Warped is tomorrow. =D

0 ` (12 Jul 2003;07:35pm) ( mood . anxious ) ( music . bdajkghak ) I had to go to the mall again to return one of my shirts.. I was pissed that I paid fifty bucks for three shirts, and one of them was only 8 bucks! TAX THESE DAYS! Then I actually looked around.. I'm trying to find a shirt to wear to Marine World with Cait on Thursday. I found this one blue one at, omg! Old Navy. Everywhere I went there was a sale! And Old Navy had the best.. go figure, it's like Ross and Marshall's! .. whoa, maybe I should go there to find clothes. Anyways, then I went to go see my Nano and she talked to me about herself not having a boyfriend and it was funny.. then I went next door to see my great gramma that I told you people about that fell and was supposed to die.. but she was asleep. =\ So then I came home.. I speeded once without realizing it. OOPS! I taught my dad's girlfriend how to golf today.. she sucks, pretty bad. Oh well. Adios amigos!

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